So this might come as bad news...

It was friday afternoon. Some friends had come in from out of town, and we had just finished a late lunch at Beijing. My phone rings... a 423 number, a call that I actually was dreading, because I knew what was coming.

Don't get me wrong, I love Jerry Harwood. He is the man. But I knew this was a business call. The time had come unfortunately, to let him know if I would be coming back to camp or not. I have pretty much battled with this since I left camp last summer, and the fact I haven't found steady employment since then doesn't help things. The moment had come, and I was not prepared at all. It was the final yes or no, and at this time...I had to say no... So Joe Brunk....will not be at CVP this summer.

That statement is hard for me to swallow, and I've been confused and frustrated since that call. It's so closed, no misinterpretation, no way to come out with a happy ending.

Maybe it was something that had to happen. Maybe this door had to be closed so another can open. Maybe this is God answering my prayer, and I'm acting like a baby. Maybe I just wanted to be at camp for my own selfish reasons, and not for God's purpose.

But maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I'm supposed to be at camp, and I'm running away. Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong things, like money, and looking out for me.

Why do I overanalyze stuff? It really just makes things more complicated and never really helps the situation.

So here's some things I'm missing out on...(In no particular order)
1. Driving boats all day
2. My Dockwatch video. (I basically had a full script in my head)
3. Deepening relationships with guys staff who are returning.
4. Weekends in the 'Nooge.
5. Floating in the swim area, and hanging out with campers.
6. Camp food
7. Living in the new guys staff lodge
8. World cup (Djibouti!)
9. Friday night raves
10. Camp cheers, and the half-hour schedule reading....

and there's more, but I'm already struggling to finish, and I could go all day.

Here's to the continued faith that God really does know what He's doing, and the fact that it's not really about me in the first place.