So where do I go from here?

So this is the thing that got me back on my kick of writing stuff down...so I figured I could put it on here first... So enjoy...

You know, in the grand scheme of life, I really thought I'd be a lot farther along than I am right now...Don't get me wrong, I love the stuff that I do, but I don't do nearly enough of it, and I still don't feel like I'm a contributing member to society. More like a leech. And that just ain't cool.

I guess I just pictured my life turning out normal like everyone else that I know. Grow up, go to college, get that degree, and get a job related to that degree, then continually work to progress in that career field while starting the family aspect of it all. That's how I've seen it done, that's how I thought it would be for me. But so far to no avail.

So the question is...where do I go from here? Perhaps I'm writing this all too soon, as it could work itself out in the near future. But I really only see it going down a couple of ways...

First, I could stay here in Bowling Green. Which is great. I know the area, I have friends. I'm settled, comfortable. And again, I enjoy what I do here, with CFR and WQKR...but there is no furthering of my career with either of those stations. I suppose if I stayed I would be in the same position a year from now at both of those places, and still looking for work that would allow me to do those things. I've been looking since August, and not much has come of it. Part of me wants to be here...

And then there is camp. Which I love. I love it. I can't tell you exactly one reason why, but I do. And Chattanooga is great, and I do have friends there, as more and more camp people seem to be moving there. But I feel like if I keep running back to camp each summer, I'm doomed to never find work. And I'm doomed to keep living the lifestyle that I am now, which isn't terrible, but just seems a little childish, seeing as I turn 24 this year and seem to be no further along than when I got out of college...

There's also a job possibility in North Carolina, and it seems like a pretty sweet gig. But I just don't know if it's gonna happen. My gut tells me it won't...

Alas, the crossroads...where do I go from here? I'm stuck in this spot, and I can't move on with my life until I make a move and choose a path. But I'm afraid of choosing the wrong way. So I sit waiting for the right path to choose me I guess.

My pastor punched me in the face today...not with his fist, but the message he brought today got me to thinking. I'm waiting to live, because I'm afraid. Afraid to take a risk, afraid to put myself out there. Ultimately, afraid of failure...

1 John 4:18 says there is no fear in love, because perfect love casts out all fear. It also says that the one who fears is not made perfect in love. God loves me. He shows me that every day just by waking me up. And ultimately, through Christ. So why am I still afraid?

So here's what I do know. Wherever I end up. I must love, without hesitation. Without waiting. Without reason. And I must live without fear.

So where do I go from here? I don't know. And I don't expect you all to know either. But I wanted to write, so I did. Is this the makings of a blog? I dunno...doubt it, cuz I'm lazy... Guess I'm just needing some prayer and such...