That's right, a Valentine's Day post, or a Singles Awareness Day, whichever you like to see it as. I've never really experienced the fullness of this day, cuz if you've seen my 25 things on facebook, I've never had a girlfriend this time of the year (along with basically every major holiday). I expect that to change, but probably not in the next 11 hours. And I'm totally cool with that. But to celebrate, I guess I'm gonna share my thoughts on the whole love thing in my experience.....
I have a skewed viewpoint on relationships. Not because of my parents. It's probably because of their relationship that I even want to get married someday. They truly love eachother, and constantly serve as a reminder of what God can do in all things if we just let them. I blame my hometown. See, growing up in Booneville, people were always hooking up, but not doing anything. There's nothing to do in Booneville. It's a good hour to the nearest movie theater, and basically anything you would go to on a date (nice place to eat, putt putt, etc.). So most couples would either drive around town for hours, hang out in the Family Dollar parking lot, or stay at home and get to baby makin'. None of those options really appealed to me, so whenever I did have a girlfriend, it was someone on the track team with me, and we would just hang out on track meets. Thus, no significant emotional attachment to a girl. I also think it's left me a little socially inept.
But something I developed in that time was this need inside to always be infatuated with somebody. I've always had a crush on a girl, even if I had to force it on myself. Why? I don't know. And that's kinda what I'm doing now. I kinda like this girl, but I never see her. And I don't really know that much about her. So why do I like her? I'm guessing because I always have to have a crush on a girl, and she's kinda cute. But is that all? I hope not.
I'd like to say I'm perfectly content on being single and waiting for the one God has for me...but I don't think it's necessarily true. I'm impatient, anxious, and making my momma more nervous by the day. And with no relatively decent chance of that changing anytime soon would be enough to make one depressed on this day.
But I'm not...go figure right? I guess that while I'm all those things in the last paragraph, I'm also confident that my Heavenly Father has me, and loves me more than I'll ever comprehend. Cool.
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6 months ago